More Chemo

I suppose any compliment has to be taken and treasured these days, and so to be told by the phlebotomist that I have lovely veins was a pleasant start to yesterday's chemo. I seem to be into a fairly standard response in terms of side effects, which is that I have a two-day slump when I come off the steroids and pins and needles in my hands, feet and face for the first week. That said, I have been given magnesium and calcium this time in an effort to combat that and thus far it has reduced the tingling. We are still very grateful for my tolerance of this regime and as a special treat the oncologist has decided to repeat the whole course back to back with the one I have just finished. I will therefore be on treatment until the start of December. Not ideal, but treatment number 3 has started to palliate the symptoms -some tumours have reduced in size (the ones I can feel through the skin) and thus I hope the internal ones have done likewise. I am also completely off painkillers and no longer hobbling, which has to be a good thing.

The school term ended well, thanks to the devotion of my hard working staff who have taken many burdens from me. Even sports day had an eerie calm ... no tears, tantrums, swearing, biting or scratching and their offspring were also very well behaved. So, summer is here and we are off to Cornwall mid August and then I go straight to the Greenbelt Festival. The Greenbelt publicity has described the subject of my workshops as showing how poetry can help us talk about illness, death and dying. Perhaps I should break out the Leonard Cohen albums, bring in the Samaritans and have Schindler's List screened on the back wall! (Actually, looking at one of the poems below, you can't really blame them. I hope I have corrected it in time for the official programme)If you are coming to the festival, it is actually about writing out of any emotional extreme - happy, sad or exciting. Don't be put off!

Enjoy the summer and thanks again for visiting the blog.



Flying In For Lunch


When I last took you onto a plane
you dropped heavy tears,
shrunk from the loud engines
into my arms.
But you have no memory of that,
and this is a first for you.
Taxiing, accelerating, taking off,
rising to where there are no clouds or rain …
I watch it all soak in
like light onto film.

So … we’re flying to Dublin for lunch, I say.
There and back in a day. You laugh, thinking it’s a bit daft.
And you’re right.
So daft, it will become the story you tell
anytime your children ask
if you have ever been
on a plane.

for Martha




Chemo Room


The final step proved too high.
Seven minutes you stood beneath
a fifteen centimetre cliff,
at the edge of the ward,
eyeing the gleam of its floor
as a child might the surface of a deep pool.
We look a similar age.
You might have been someone I knew
beneath the cotton wrap,
behind the hand wiping
fast tears from lashless eyes.
But I tried not to stare,
busying myself in the ritual
we all know -
trickling warm water down skin,
coaxing veins to the surface.

Update ...

On Wednesday I am going in for the third infusion and after that there will only be one more to go, on 30th July. Thus far I have been mercifully spared the many side effects I was promised. The pattern seems to be that I am a bit jaded for a few days after the treatment and I have a very slow day when I come off the steroids but thereafter – fine! I am trying to be sensible, but at times still overdo it a bit and get pretty tired. However, there is no broken skin, or mouth ulcers, or nausea, or vomiting, or exhaustion, or breathing difficulties, or laryngeal spasms … and of course only I could go the extent of shaving my head and then not lose a single hair. What I do have is pins and needles in my hands and face and this is brought on by any slight temperature change … but I am absolutely fine about that. It’s the least of my worries. Thank you for the many prayers that I know have been said.

So, on into summer! During late July and most of August Naomi is involved in the Theatre Royal production of The Railway Children, which is being staged in the National Railway Museum with a real steam locomotive! She is one of Perks’ children and, as you might imagine, is pretty excited about it … you know, just casually hanging about with cast members of The Bill and Life on Mars. As a family we will be spending time in the Lakes and Cornwall, so it is going to be a busy time, but great fun I am sure. I hope your summers are good and that we are all blessed with sunny weather. If you are going to be at the Greenbelt Festival, let me know so that we can meet up. If not, why not? You are missing out on a really good weekend!